16
Apr
  

He’s Gotta Have It: Hot (AND Happy) Wives, Money, & Cool Cars Are What REALLY Keep Men Young

By Evan Field

All men are very different in their crusade to conquer their fears of mortality. The one thing we do NOT freak out about is our aesthetic value. As we men age, our image is very important to us, but superficial image issues fester in other places that are higher on the totem pole than our physical looks. There are reasons for everything, and there are many guys who DO care about their hair color, skin tone, belly size, unibrows, etc. I will say this … there is absolutely no excuse for nose hairs protruding from the nostrils. That’s just as bad as an open zipper.

We tell our kids that looks and possessions are not important and it’s what’s inside us that really matters. Yeah yeah, blah blah … human nature doesn’t lie and we all know what makes the world go ‘round. There are several fundamental differences in what women desire versus men in respect to their second half of life.

Women and Their Bodies

Women are most insecure about their bodies as they age because they want to be EASILY and READILY sexually desired. This does not by any means equate to the desire to HAVE SEX … we married men get that. Women being sexually desired for personality traits and for brain power is all fine and dandy … but the majority of men I know perceive physically-toned women as aesthetically sexier than heavier-set women. There can be a whole debate as to the fault of the media … but you will be long gone before there is a universal human change. If you are a woman and are reading this, understand that what I am saying might not be PC … but the world is cruel. Women who feel like they are aging are worried about losing their husbands to younger women or more toned women because they know that is what men look at.

Physical appearance is the number one thing ALL women dray over. Naturally speaking, all women desire to be the Queen of the bunch.

Women are more competitive and catty than men, which causes a race to be the best. Ladies — how much do you “hate” your friend who has that toned ass who gets male salivating glances while reaching for the soup on the top shelf at Trader Joe’s?  Wish you could have that washboard stomach that your yoga teacher has along with the suck-ups in the front row of the class? It’s okay … it’s part of the female psyche to say bitchy things under your breath when your good friend looks great in a bikini on vacation. The very first complaint for a woman when asked about aging is ALWAYS an answer about physical appearance.

Fret not ladies … your insanity is not without compliment.  MEN HAVE A WHOLE OTHER SET OF ISSUES THAT NEED A TEAM OF PSYCHOLOGISTS (FROM AUSTRIA) TO TEAR APART AND ANALYZE …

Men And Everything BUT Their Bodies

When Men age, they begin to worry about MANY factors … ALL with equal proportion of angst. You women should feel lucky — get ready for what WE deal with.

– MONEY. If we have no money, we have no confidence.

Money is as important to a man as a woman’s perception of her ass in jeans.

Income, cash flow, and bank account size means security. It is historically the man’s place to provide security for his family. Our fathers taught us that, as they were frowned upon if they didn’t have careers or financial security. Being able to financially provide for our families means stability and less stress. Financial insecurity is not fun.

Money buys vacations, summer camp, date nights, sushi dinners, movie tickets, the expensive lube, and most of all options.

Financial security is way higher on our list of desire than career happiness. Affording my child to get a college education so they won’t have to take out loans is the biggest gift I can give them. If my wife desires to be at home while my kids are too young for school … if I can give that to her then I feel powerful and she feels secure. As I age, I had better be accumulating assets or else I am in deep shit once I need the money for the big things like weddings, college tuition, retirement, or jewelry/trips for anniversaries.

– CAREER LEVEL. Our professional titles mean the world to us. Associate, Manager, Assistant VP, etc. are all stepping stones to us in our 30’s and early 40’s.

Call it stupid, but our responsibility level in the work place is indicative of our worthiness.

It all has to do with stepping stones to being the King. Men all have their own idea of what being King means to them. Our career advancement is our own low-hanging fruit for self-worth. My  kids are not the smartest, my wife isn’t so nice to me, my bank account isn’t as fat as when I was single … BUT if I am SENIOR VICE PRESIDENT or OWNER or DIRECTOR then I am confident about life during the 9-10 hours a day in which I am professionally engaged.  As I advance in age, I’d better be advancing in my career or else I feel like a loser.

– MY CAR.  It’s simple … my car is an extension of my perception of my dick (we never say penis). Sporty and sleek (I want my dick to be athletic and talented). Big SUV, Big Truck, Big flashy Sedan (size matters — you get the idea). Exterior color of black, silver, dark grey, dark blue (translates to: getting down to hardcore business). When my neighbor pulls up in his dark grey Range Rover Sport and I am driving a “practical” car … you bet I am jealous. Is my car going to last longer and cost me less and be a smarter choice? Who gives a shit … that guy has a bigger dick!  As I age, I worry that my dick has not reached its maximum potential if I have not attained my dream car.

-HAPPY WIFE.   Ever hear the term “Happy Wife, Happy Life”?  Happy wife means WE are appreciated while we are in her presence. Happy wife means we are spoken to nicely by her. Happy wife means we have done a good job providing for her needs and her wants. Happy wife means more sex, better sex … simple, and true. There is no alternative.

-HOT WIFE.  Yes it is true … I do want to be attracted to you. Hot to me might mean a different thing to someone else. Hopefully, my wife knows exactly what I am attracted to the most and she will do her best.  Naturally speaking, men are attracted to what represents sex. We didn’t watch Baywatch for the action scenes or the witty banter, we always look at hot girls in their 20’s, we do look at your friends who have toned bodies, and we always salivate over the hottest female sportscasters (they are the new cheerleaders).

 But I will tell you this … our libido absolutely decreases as we pass the age of 45, and we value our wives loyalty and smile more than we used to.

If you are married to a SMART man and you have a great life partnership, he will value and choose you more than anything that gets the immediate attention of his dick. As I age I am worried that I will lose my sexual attraction for my wife and hope that our relationship will hold its own because of more desirable aspects of who she is and the life we have built together.

MEN ARE SCARED OF AGING …We do what we can to hedge our advancing mortality.  Men are simply different creatures than women in so many aspects which is why we compensate in other ways.  If you think about it, the lengths we go to cling to our youth by the possessions, comforts, and professional titles are just as difficult to attain as the ageless image that women reach for … and we usually put our looks on the bottom of the totem pole while making our climb to the top.

 

 

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