By Jackie Pilossoph
She’s the person you trust most in life. She’s the shoulder you cry on, the first person you call with good news, your rock, your sounding board. She’s your BFF, and you love her. And she loves you too. But, think about this: Because your best friend loves you so much, is there a chance that in certain situations she might want to protect you? Avoid hurting your feelings? Is it possible she might lie to you because she loves you so much? Honesty’s the best policy, but when it comes to your girlfriends, beware: Here are lies she might tell you!
1. “You look great, you don’t have to lose a pound!”
This statement usually comes in response to, “Do you think I’ve gained weight? Do I look different?” That is the question I was asking my friends a few months ago, and they all told me I was crazy. One day, I tried on every pair of jeans in my closet (and trust me, there are a lot –approximately 15). They were all so tight! Next, I got on the scale to confirm what I already knew, and it was then that I realized all my friends were lying to me. A better response from them could have been, “Maybe a few pounds, but you’re still cute,” or “Yeah, but you can take that weight off so quickly.” I love my friends dearly, but in this case, the jeans and the scale proved to be my best friends.
2. “I’m sure the reason he has not called is because he is intimidated by you and he just couldn’t handle it. He’s got issues.”
Have you ever seen the beginning of the movie, “He’s Just Not That Into You?” It’s a montage of scenes where girls are justifying to their girlfriends why the guy hasn’t called. Ladies, if he hasn’t called, “HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!” So, why do we feel the need to make up excuses for these guys by justifying the no-calling? Say it to your friend—“He’s just not that into you!” Trust me, you’re a better friend if you tell it like it is. She will move on quicker and hopefully meet someone else.
3. Your daughter (or son) looks just like you!
A person once told me that when she saw my son, she thought I took my ex-husband and put him in the microwave! In other words, he is identical looking to my ex-husband. This is a universal opinion, but here’s the difference. Some of my girlfriends will say to me “Oh no, don’t worry! He looks like you!” What I want to tell them is, “I’m okay with the fact that my son looks exactly like his father. His dad is a handsome man. We didn’t get divorced because I didn’t like his looks!! So, why does it matter? On a side note, I do have some serious inner conflicts from time to time when I look at my daughter, who looks EXACTLY like my ex-mother-in-law. (LOL!! I couldn’t resist.)
4. You don’t drink too much. A couple glasses of wine every night is healthy.
On a more serious note, if you see your girlfriend getting out of control with alcohol, be a true friend and say something. Alcohol addiction is the worst disease I can think of and I hate, hate, hate it! Help your friend. You don’t have to say to her, “You need to go to A.A.,” but at least say, “I’ve noticed how much you’ve been drinking and I’m concerned…” She probably won’t listen, but at least you will have made an effort to help her.
5. Everyone knows the divorce wasn’t your fault.
Someone once told me that there are THREE sides to every divorce: his side, her side, and the truth. Don’t tell your friend that everyone hates her ex, or everyone is on her side, because it’s just not true. Just as many people are telling your friend’s ex that they are on his side. Better advice is, “It doesn’t matter whose fault it was, focus on yourself, your kids and your future.”
6. I don’t think he’s cheating on you. It’s just a rumor because people are jealous.
Where there’s smoke, there’s fire, people! How many times do we read in the tabloids about rumors of a celebrity couple breaking up because of cheating? The couple then makes a statement denying the rumors and saying their marriage is great. Two months later, we read they have filed for divorce. A great thing to say to your girlfriend: “I don’t know if he’s cheating, but you need to find out. Sit down and talk to him about it in a nice way. And who cares what people think.”
7. I would never judge you.
Be careful with this one. People say that all the time, but do they really mean it? I recently found out a friend of mine was having an affair with a married man. I so judged. I was really upset with her, to the point where I could barely bring myself to call her. And I have actually told her, “I would never judge you.” So there. On certain things, it’s really hard not to judge. All we can do is try our hardest to be open-minded and understanding. What I ended up saying to my friend after I semi got over the judgmental stage was, “I’m sorry I judged you, but I do not approve of this, and I don’t want to hear the details of your affair. When it’s over, I will be here for you when you need a shoulder to cry on.”
The thing is, women are so caring and giving when it comes to their girlfriends. It kills us to see our friend upset or worried or angry or hurt. So, innately, we protect them. But the truth is, by lying to your girlfriend, you aren’t protecting her, you’re actually hurting her more.
In my opinion, the best friends are the friends who speak the truth, who tell it like it is, no matter how difficult ‘It’ is.
It might hurt your feelings, it might not be what you want to hear, it might even kill you to hear the truth from a friend. It might cause a fight, it might cause tears and could even be a threat to the friendship. But, HONESTLY, in the end, I think true friendships can overcome anything, and the best friendships of all, are the ones in which brutal honesty is appreciated and expected.
One last thing: If your friend tells you something you don’t want to hear, the best medicine is to start laughing! If you can find humor in it, anywhere at all, it’s easier to take, and easier to start talking about how to make things better.
LB: Jackie Pilossoph is a new friend (LOVE HER – she’s funny, smart, a wonderful mommy, and packs in a great hug). Here are her stats: She is a freelance journalist for several Pioneer Press publications, has two weekly columns and is a regular contributor to many local magazines. Pilossoph is also the author of the novels Jackpot! and Hook, Line and Sink Him. Her third novel, Free Gift With Purchase is due out this summer. To learn more and to buy her books: www.jackiepilossoph.net.