‘Date Night’ & 50 Shades: How Can I Arouse My Wife? A Husband’s Perspective

By Evan Field

So we went to see the movie. Yeah that movie. 50 Shades.

Before the movie … My wife, excited as can be, telling me that this will be a GREAT date movie. Making side comments about how there’s no way we are making it to dinner afterward because she will need to be taken home and I will have to get rid of the babysitter at lightning speed. Before the movie, I was neither here nor there about the actual film, but I was extremely excited about the effect it might have on my betrothed, knowing how the book brought out her carnal side. Popcorn bought, seats taken, lights go down, quick kiss/smile, commencer le film.

Wow. Talk about a flop. We laughed at the dialogue that was meant to be serious and tantalizing. The sex scenes were okay, but since the screenplay dialogue was so bad, the sex itself wasn’t a mind blowing arousal. We both agreed that dinner and drinks were necessary when the credits rolled.

Why didn’t this have the mental effect on my wife that the book did?

It’s no secret that women are cerebral and men are visual in regards to arousal. I’ve read about it in countless articles and have heard hundreds of times about seducing the MIND of my wife rather than her eyes.

When my wife read the trilogy and basically checked out of my life for four weeks to enjoy this fantasy, she experienced a world that she herself created. The anonymous-ness of the words let her illustrate in her head what Christian Grey looks and sounds like. She was able to seduce herself with her own images of the sex tools, the facial expressions, the teasing, the acceptable torture, and the settings.

There was a true harmony between Anastasia’s experience and my wife’s inner curiosity.

Now, there were faces chosen by a casting director, words rewritten by the screenwriters, clothes chosen by the wardrobe team, directed speech, directed facial expressions, directed emotional response, and above all else … directed sex.

I think to myself: How am I going to salvage the plans for the night? I realized there was still an interesting phenomenon that was portrayed in the movie. Christian Grey was a master at the power of suggestion. The way he eased his guest into the idea of pleasure when the eyes first see tools of pain was, in fact, masterful.

The power of suggestion is a way to change a person’s mind, a way to sell, a way to get to a point in agreeance. So as I realize that I can’t compete with my wife’s sexual utopia, I should maybe tap into her Sexual Nostalgia.

There have been a bunch of times where we have been intimate and have felt that our connection was so amazing. Truly heartfelt, huge smiles, deeply in sync. Laughing together during the movie, agreeing to go get drinks and dinner, holding hands as we walked during the evening, sitting next to each other in the restaurant … it was actually turning out to be a great Date Night that was nostalgic of how we were BEFORE walking down the aisle and popping out two cute monsters.

So I took the nostalgia to the next level and reminded her about some of the best times we’ve had and we rehashed in detail. I brought her back to the way it felt when we were in certain places on vacations, the great reactions to good news, the hot time when we snuck out of a wedding to get a hotel room … and I brought back to her memory the details of our outrageous abilities. I used my words to ignite her imagination — her fantasies WITH me.

I didn’t use the power of suggestion to offer any new ideas. I used the power to suggest turning back the clock.

While the book offered her fantasy of a different world, and the movie offered her nothing  … I offered her NOSTALGIA that stirred her memories of the amazing REAL experiences of physical history.

Those memories plus TWO pomegranate martinis equaled bottom lip-biting and me asking for the check while not turning away from her eyes.

Put it this way: The sitter barely got a word out before she was pushed out the door.

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