Happily Married Dad on Sex: “C’mon, Baby,’Re-LIGHT’ MY Fire”

LB:  Several GUYrillas (our male subscribers) wrote in response to GW’s “Steamy Sex with Your Spouse” blog (GW,  July 23). This Happily Married Man seeks sex “outside of the box” with his wife … Here’s his “mission statement.” This blog gets a bit raunchy. If it’s not your thing … Do Not Pass Go.

Anonymous, 42, 2 kids

Ok — We have all heard the women’s perspective surrounding love and sex. Here is just a thought from a guy. And like a guy, I am going to go straight to the point and skip all of the foreplay.

Regular sex is great. After being with the same woman for 15 years, I would imagine that most couples, the ones who are still having sex like us, have the SAME sex. The same routine. Kiss a little, touch a little, and get down to business. Half of the time, thinking about the show you have DVRed and looking forward to watching it after you both finish.

Don’t get me wrong, making love often is great and very important for your marriage. If you are not doing that, you’re probably doing it alone, which isn’t so good for your marriage.

Point being, we all need that release. So why not release with our best friend, or our spouse if they’re around (just kidding). Now – occasionally (every couple of months), you need to break the routine and really shake things up.

Get rid of the kids. Ship them off to sleep at friends’ houses for the night, and have a night that would make horny college kids blush.

Remember in college or in your 20s, waking up after a night of total inebriation thinking to yourself, “Oh my God, I can’t believe I did that?” As a grown-up, I consider myself open-minded but strict when it comes to pot and alcohol as it relates to my children. Many of you may not agree with me, and I respect that — but I believe there are those moments as an adult that you can still enjoy “forbidden fruits” guilt-free with your spouse: 1) If your kids are NOT in the house and are safe and 2) if you are NOT out driving and you are safe. You may say, “I don’t need to be ‘wasted’ to have a great time” and I don’t either, but it sure is fun to lose all of my inhibitions and for my wife to lose hers too, if only for a night. But hey, that’s just me.

I do recommend to enhance the romance a good bottle of wine to loosen up any inhibitions before you embark on “Porn Night”.

If you are planning on giving this a try, let me give you a couple of tips:
1) Do not lay in bed and drink, you’ll get too comfortable and decide to have a “quickie” and watch a movie.
2) Take turns showering before you get down and dirty. Not together is better. It builds the anticipation.
3) While your husband is in the shower, pick out an outfit. Something you would only put on in a fantasy situation. He will go nuts; and you will be equally excited.
4) Switch — she jumps in the shower and he gets to figure out what to wear. My wife likes when I wear nothing but my cowboy boots and a cowboy hat. You’ll have to figure out what your wife may like.

By the way, crank up your favorite tunes, this is going to be awesome.

Now, for you guys who may be thinking, “How the hell am I going to get my wife to do some, if any, of these things?”

Well, if she is frigid, sorry pal, it ain’t gonna happen. And I truly am sorry. Nothing sucks more than a loveless, sexless marriage. But if you are in that ‘lukewarm’ area, there are several things you can do to get her to give it a try.

Start out the day by waking up with her and helping around the house and getting the kids off to school. Make breakfast for the kids, clean the dishes in the sink, and walk the dog, if you have one. Oh oh oh, the best one ever – help her make the bed. Doing it together is so romantic to her. Doing some of these things will really get her off to a great day and she will absolutely remember it in the evening. By the way, if you did this 2 or 3 days a week, you will most certainly have a much happier wife and marriage.

Call her during the day just to say HI. Again, it may only take you 30 seconds to get an errection, but it takes her 12 hours.

If your marriage is pretty dark, you may have to do some of these things for a few weeks before hitting her up for the BIG NIGHT. Oh, buy her something sexy, and if you think she can handle it, slutty.

Now, for the ladies who may be thinking, hell no, I only want to do the minimum; “I’ll sleep with him when I feel I have to, and I’ll give him what I call the annual “Birthday Gift Blowie.”

Be careful, very few guys leave a warm bed for a cold one. And, we can feel the difference between being wanted and being tolerated.

Being tolerated sucks. Cheap Trick didn’t make millions on singing “I Want You to Tolerate Me.” Uh uh, nothing feels betther than being wanted, needed, loved — genuine desire. It’s the stuff fantasies are made of. AND, this is not just for him. This is for you. You were once hot, horny, and sexy. You still are. Perhaps, your boobs and butt may not be as perky as they once were, but I guarantee, you still got it, AND he still wants it.