Moms & Porn: Get With the Program

By Lisa Barr

So here I am in the booming metropolis of Minocqua, Wisconsin, a gorgeous camp town in the Northwoods, visiting my youngest daughter at her overnight camp for Parents Weekend. The day spent in the camp town was a total Food Fest — or should I say Fudge Fest (I’ll get to Porn Fest in a minute). We all ate a lot. Big omelets for breakfast, sushi for lunch, pizza for dinner, snacks in between. And as I write this, I have a super-sized piece of peanut-butter chocolate fudge in one hand and gourmet chocolate-caramel popcorn waiting-in-line once that’s done.

I, however, am not thinking of my butt expanding, rather I’m thinking about “Magic Mike’s” butt. Yeah, as in actor Channing Tatum’s tighter-than-tight tushie, which he reveals in the latest Mommy Porn flick. Not that this matters but earlier that evening my daughter and husband were dying to see Spiderman — I opted for Magic Mike (For the record: my husband and I had seen Spidey the previous night. That’s a guy thing by the way. They can see the same movie all week-long if they like it.). So they went for the web, and I went to get “snared” —  in a tiny Wisconsin theater with Tatum and popcorn. I looked around me. At least 30 women, around my age, watching a movie about young male strippers. Hmm…

Isn’t it amazing that we Moms are suddenly the “It” Girls? We have become, in Hollywood’s eyes, THE Target Market. A Mom in the grocery store/cleaners/mall/yoga studio is So Money.

And, I (happily) just read an article stating that Mommy Blogs are now considered amongst the hottest sites Out There. Interestingly, when I was growing up, we never saw photos of actresses with their children in any celebrity magazines. Actresses who were mommies were thought un-Sexy, and many hid the fact that they had kids at home. And now with the likes of Suri, Apple & Moses, Kingston & Zuma, Harper, Shiloh & Company, stars’ kids are much more interesting arm décor than say, Tom (don’t get me started on that TWO-week divorce – but damn, Katie played it genius), Chris Martin, Gavin Rossdale, David Beckham, and Brad Pitt. Celebrity moms holding their child’s hand is now the paparazzi fave. Mommy actresses, and especially if they are wearing white bikinis with their kids on the beach in Malibu, is the money-maker shot. Just take a look at the past six months of PEOPLE’s “Star Tracks” (my favorite section) – in order to prove my point.

Why is the Mom Market so desirable, and why now? Because the powers-that-be now truly understand that we Moms consume MORE than just sushi and fudge (and we look good doing it). We literally consume EVERYTHING – for ourselves, our kids, our husbands, our homes, our pets, our cars. And that to marketeers is extremely enticing.

Which brings me to Porn.

For years and years, Porn was a Guy Thing. Women’s magazines may have filled a store’s entire shelve, but Porn was always placed on the highest tier, and wrapped in plastic (perhaps to keep away from the kids), but I believe there was another message: Men’s “needs” were considered something special. Porn was something THEY did, and we dealt with (or not).

And then along came our Fifty Shades trilogy (aka: Porn-4-Moms) – and 10 million copies sold later, with a movie on the way (BTW: I vote for Ryan Gosling – only because Daniel Craig is too old). Mommy Porn is not only a powerhouse commodity — it is a game changer.

I’m sure if you hear the words “Fifty Shades” you either have one of these reactions: 1. Ohmygod, it changed my life 2. Worst writing ever but I couldn’t put it down. 3. Did you see the photo of the author? I was expecting a porn star, and instead she looks a little too normal for whips and boots and the S & M  menu – but hey, good for her 4. if I hear that book mentioned again I’m going to scream 5. If only there were a fourth, a fifth, and a sixth book …

Moms & Porn is all the rage. Be on the look-out for every copycat author pulling out all sexual stops on the bootstraps of Fifty Shades. Mark my words: you will see an an orgy of literary sexually explicit novels geared toward women coming to your local bookstore and Kindle.

As for Magic Mike … in my opinion, the movie was just okay but for the outstanding display of T & A (Tush and Abs in women-speak). Interestingly, Hollywood chose to take the worn-out concept of the male stripper (a la Chippendales & Co. which had its heyday in the ’70s and ’80s) and bring him back to life, in the form of Matthew “Bongos” McConaughey and Tatum, who actually was a former stripper. The movie surprised me – because only a few sets of (fake) boobs were shown, and it was all about the male goods.

In short, women have now become the “takers” and not just the givers – our “needs” are now considered special (profitable), and this is what is news; this is what is untraditional.

I’ve explored this concept with several Moms who claimed this is what Fifty Shades did for them: It took their average or below average sex lives to a higher level. It helped them feel more sexually attracted to their partner because they felt sexier, more aroused. “Fifty” gave Moms permission to get down and dirty. Porn via the novel was also in the guise of a beautiful relationship – a true love story, a feathery romance. S & M was code here for love, and a mutual sharing of desires. We all want to be swept away, off our tired feet, and into our bed.

Most of all, at the end of the day, after all the schlepping, we Moms want to be woo-ed and feel sexy and want our husbands not to look at porn, but to look at us.

All that hard working-out, honey, has paid off — LOOK AT ME. All that I give to our children on a daily basis — LOOK AT ME. All that I do for you and to keep our family a family, and everyone’s life happy and organized—Now, LOOK AT ME.

Fortysomething is Middle Age, but as women we are far from dead. Many of us have never felt more alive as we do right now. We know who we are, and we know what we want – in and out of bed.

That is why celebrities are now pictured with their children. Hollywood finally gets it:  Let the 20 year olds stay in Fort Lauderdale and South Beach. We want real women. Evolved women. We want Moms.

As my husband says: Who needs a 20 year old, when I can get TWO 20-year olds in ONE woman. (Please forgive if you catch me repeating this. It has become my meditation mantra.)

Moms & Porn is the new peanut butter and jelly. And it never tasted so good. So, I say, as I reach for that second chunk of 5 billion calorie fudge, Treat Yourself – don’t deny YOUR desires. The Big Cats are getting phat off of us. The booming legacy called  Fifty Shades of Commercialization is only just beginning. I say let them eat all the cake they want – at the end of a packed day ticking off our lists for everyone else, it is us – you and me –who will be enjoying the real dessert — guiltlessly.

LB: Sex in the Suburbs is a hot topic. Two moms have upcoming stories in GW. One discusses how in her ‘40s, she has finally learned to “let go” and embrace her sexy side. Another will share tips on how to really keep it “steamy” with your hubby. Feel free to comment below — we LOVE your feedback. And remember there are NO taboos at GIRLilla Warfare. Bring it on.